And no, not the good type of sik, like we all say. haha.

I feel horrible =[
And I have a quiz for math to study for, and laundry to fold.
And its really hot in here, I need a fan. And the resturant loading dock
is really loud when I wanna sleep. And I sleep to much now and don't get
anything done.




I wanna go home.

I am completely awestruck with God right now. Completely dumbfounded, humbled, and amazed at his greatness... I'm speechless. Nothing I say can even come close to summarizing Him. I've been calling people up and telling the story cause I can't contain it! I figure this is the best way... I'll attempt to explain.

I was in my Principles of Computer Science class, its a seminar, SUPER BORING. There was some guy from Intel speaking, but for once my computer had great internet connection, so off I went surfing the internet. My ventures let me to look for things happening on campus, House Dancing came up. So I looked more into that and found a facebook group called 24/7 UCSD House of Prayer. Oh sik! I've been looking for a prayer group, but to no avail. The campus ministry on campus is strong and structured but it lacks a depth that I've needed. I feel its a sort of watered down Christianity. While they're not bad, I can just see that there at a point where its like, can we get more? or is this good enough? But more than that I've been looking for a group that naturally, is filled with the Holy Ghost, because while seeking him in my room is all fun, I really want that group. So i found this House Of Prayer thing and begin researching it. How they sometimes rent a room on campus and have people sign up so that someone is always praying 24/7 for the needs on campus, i continue to dig deeper.

I'm looking forward to going to The Call. And I never really realized the significance of Southern California when it comes to revival. Can I quote Lou Engle here?

They came like waves crashing onto the shores of California. Leaving behind a legacy of glory and apostolic influence, great manifestations of the power and love of God broke in on past generations of hungry saints. Waves of God’s great presence cascaded upon her shores in 1906, 1919, 1947, 1948, 1967, 1971, 1980, and 1994. These waves are California’s revivals. In the midst of unspeakable decadence, corporate greed, cultural trend setting, and global pornographic exportation, there lies deposited deeply below California’s crusty surface gold-there’s oil in her hills. Something continually draws God to the scene. Could it be that God is drawn to her pain? Maybe God sees her shores as hosting planet's lost prophets with misplaced passions or maybe he is drawn to the cry of her wandering masses. Whatever be the case, He comes, and when he does, the entire world is changed. The tongues of fire that erupted at Azusa have lit up the world. The revivals sown in Hollywood loosed great evangelists like Bill Bright and Billy Graham. The Jesus Movement gave us Calvary love songs that have kissed the youth of the globe. The new wine of worship and healing came from California’s vineyards. These ancient songs awaken us from our nightmare and remind us something that was and can be again. Hollywood, the “woman at the well”, could become the great evangelist again in these last days.

oh sik right? Now I found something else about San Diego, and UCSD specifically as I've been here.

A couple of days ago I noticed how strong the No on 8 proposition was on campus. Students marching around in circles yelling, proclaiming Gay Pride is the fashion and all the rave here. I watched them gather in front of the steps of the library, and prayed for them. Right there. While i really wanted to grab Yes on 8 signs and enter their circle, I had homework and probably not enough courage to do that on my own. Thus I went to the computer lab for 7 hours. But its not just that, i've seen the moral character here decaying in everyone, that it had become the norm. This place is so much more liberal then I thought. So what i was researching today was the idea of Humanism here at UCSD. Basically the idea sums up what the devil, the serpent, did at the garden of Eden.

The promise of the serpent was that if we eat from the tree of knowledge of good and evil, we shall somehow become like gods. A humanist would say that man is the measure of all things, the pinnacle of existence.

And it can be said that there is a lot of symbolism in the structures here on campus (did you read my last post?) But I never saw the library this way. Giesel library.



Its supposed to represent the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil like in the garden of Eden. Even more so, there's a path of a snake leading up to it. This is how the UCSD tourguides put it:

He started out at the bottom and said this: “This serpent represents your college experience. You start out at the bottom. At first the path is easy; then you get to the book Milton's Paradise Lost, and you realize you are leaving the age of innocence for a higher pursuit of knowledge.” After the six foot, granite book the snake path literally becomes steeper and the curves of the snake's back become much sharper. “It gets much tougher from there,” the tour guide said. “Then you get up to the toughest part of your college experience which is represented by the Garden of Eden, which represents religion.” The serpent path literally encircles the Garden of Eden. (Most large snakes wrap and constrict around something they are trying to kill.) Inside this little garden there is a granite bench bearing etched depictions of Adam, Eve and the serpent. “Your college experience gets much easier from there,” the tour guide said as the serpent path gradient flattened out. “Then you can behold the majestic glory of man, the greatest structure ever created, far greater than any natural structure. Come on- get closer to the majestic glory of man.” He finished his description of the snake path by raising his hands towards the majestic glory of man, which he said was represented by the Geisel Library.

SO... that's Humanism on campus right there. I didn't even know. I just found this out in my class today on the computer. I continued researching, leading me to websites of the Justice House of Prayer of San Diego and how they come to UCSD and pray on the serpent's head. So to make a super long story into a mear long one, i get out of class and start walking to class. Im distracted... praying as I walk. What is my purpose here God? Why am I here? Did I not get accepted into this school to do something! And i thought Im going to go home and blog. And im going to say, I've been here for four weeks, you would think i would have found what im supposed to do already. As im thinking this I see a fork in the road. The path that I always take to my dorm, and the path up the library that my be shorter. I seriously stood there, wanting to go my normal way, but something calling me up that hill. So i went up to the library not even realizing that I'm walking the snake path until I'm already up there. I saw a group of people in a circle on the snakes head. I figure it was a club or something and continue walking, until I see one of the girls holding the NIV study bible my Dad has. the blue one.

And here is the point of decision. Keep on walking? Go pray with them? Why are they here? Who are they? I walked away... but i felt such a strong calling to pray with them. Could I really just throw off my plans and go to pray with them? I veered off to a table and sat for a second. I realized I was breathing hard. I remembered praying for God to make it evident where i was supposed to be and walked back to the group. I pulled a girl aside and asked what they were here for. They said that they were in San Diego here for The Call from Washington DC and felt that they needed to pray here at UCSD for the growing Humanism here and when they came to pray they found these two Mom's that came to pray there too. So I asked to join and begin praying. Thankful that God has led me here. and the things they prayed about were amazing... for revival on the campus for a revolution in the youth today. That God takes back is people and shows them righteousness. For righteous leaders in the government, for professors here on campus. And.. they began to speak in tounges! With all of my exploration of the fiathbased clubs on campus I have yet to find one that believes in the holy ghost. It was wonderful. Once they found out i was a student here they all circled around me and began to pray for me. For being sensitive to the spirit of God that called me here. For the light I have to be on campus, and the strength to do God's will. But how to do it? I'll figure that out later. But the one guy that was there said that when he was in college he was alone, but began telling his roommates about God and having prayer meetings in the morning and soon the whole suite was involved. That people would come into where they lived and say, whoa? what just changed?

It all seems so surreal. Did God really call me here for a reason? Well I asked him to use me right? Its overwhelming. I can see that I am to be an example here... this week Ive been focusing on being a servant and caring about every one of my suite mates needs, I also quit my sorority. As I've felt God's calling stronger, I dont need that eating up my time. Plus I've already met all of the girls so I can still be a light to them without having to participate in their frat parties and sex games. I regret I have to leave or I'll be late to my Music and Architecture class (its so good!) but please pray for me as i continue to figure out what to do. I can't wait for The Call... but I can see everything laying itself out... its like the calm before the storm... preparation.

This is big for me, what ever there is to do. Will you help me?

Neon lights. A luminous-tube that is bent into a shape and filled with neon or other inert gases and glows when voltage is applied. They can often be seen from a very far distance, and even shine brightly in the light of day. It is these lights that surround one of the buildings in the Jacob's School of Engineering at my college. This art piece is titled Vices and Virtues, where 7 vices flash in neon colors, and then 7 virtues. They soon begin to increase their spead and flash ontop of one another until the word is unrecognizable. On different sides of the building it is displayed: FAITH/LUST, HOPE/ENVY, CHARITY/SLOTH, PRUDENCE/PRIDE, JUSTICE/AVARICE, TEMPERANCE/GLUTTONY, and FORTITUDE/ANGER.

It really makes you think. It was 9:45 as I began to write down the glowing phrases. Their light lit up the whole courtyard. The words were reflected on the glass of the surrounding buildings. I was suddenly abandoned. There was only my mind, the words, and the stars above me. You see, this place is in the engineering part of the campus, where we struggle with technological advances clashing with our ethics and morals. Which side do we stand up for? What if Im presented with the obligation to invent a technology, microchips and microprocessors, that will later be used to persecute the generations after me?

Anyway, I'm thoroughly glad that this reminder will be with me throughout my college experience. Its really a great place to stare at and think. I'll show you all if you come to visit. Along with the other secrets of the campus... such as the singing tree.




Avarice: Greed, the selfish desire for or pursuit of money, wealth, power, food, or other possessions, especially when this denies the same goods to others.
Justice: Goodness, the quality of being just; righteousness, equitableness, or moral rightness.
Gluttony: to gulp down or swallow, the over-indulgence and over-consumption of anything to the point of waste, the excessive desire for food, or its withholding from the needy.
Temperance: moderation or self-restraint in action, statement; self-control.
Anger: wrath; a strong feeling of displeasure and belligerence aroused by a wrong; ire.
Fortitude: patience, mental and emotional strength in facing difficulty, adversity, danger, or temptation courageously
Lust: intense sexual desire or appetite. a passionate or overmastering desire or craving.
Faith: confidence or trust in a person or thing. belief that is not based on proof.
Envy: a feeling of discontent or covetousness with regard to another's advantages, success, or possessions.
Hope: the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best.
Sloth: habitual disinclination to exertion; indolence; laziness.
Charity: generous actions or donations to aid the poor, ill, or helpless. Something given to a person or persons in need; alms.
Pride: a high or inordinate opinion of one's own dignity, importance, merit, or superiority, whether as cherished in the mind or as displayed in bearing, or conduct.
Prudence: gentleness, caution with regard to practical matters; discretion.

I stumbled as I transfered my stance from the risors to the stage. My eyes that percieved the floor beneath me did not recognize the message for me to walk, was that stage black, or was i stepping into blackness? I quickly regained my balance. I don't think anyone noticed. One foot ahead of the other... if I could just get to that room... I didn't look at their faces. They congratulated a performance - but that's not what it was. Suddenly I was there, only I couldn't find a spot. I settled for a small green table, and fell to my knees. Prayer consumed me. The air in the room was so thick, you could feel it. I attempted to speak english, to make out some comprehensible words of praise, but to no avail. The tounges were too strong, I knelt against the small plastic table, briefly opened my eyes and witnessed my tears land on a flyer for The Call.

Dear Lord, please break our hearts from what breaks yours. I will go the distance. Where you call I will follow and I pray that you tug at the hearts of the others to recognize what you are calling them to do. To standout. To make a difference. To be uncomfortable.

I'm sitting on the floor of my Doc 1 class writing this. Its not very comfortable. Hahaha anyway, forgive the lack of grace in this update in concern to my writing, im just getting ideas out there this time. =]

Note how I've been saying that I've wanted to participate in NC's prayers but that I'm up here in La Jolla- but then again why should that make any difference? I was encouraged to participate anyway, and to be honest I really tried to. I was excited last night and set my phone's alarm to go off at 4:45. But oh, the reliability of my phone. You must understand I got this RAZR v3 back when it was 'cutting edge technology' haha. a LONG time ago. about 4 or 5 years ago. The middle button is missing, the screen is gross, I cracked the glass on the outside and had to replace it. Its been soaked in water and blowdried to work again. I put it on vibrate so much that the vibrate mode doesn't even work anymore and is an equivalent to silent mode. For example, even though my phone was on Vibrate... Raelene just called and MY PHONE JUST RANG OUT ALOUD IN CLASS. *sigh*. But most of all my alarms are bipolar and choose when they want to go off and when they dont. Alas, my phone did not wake me up at 4:45.

I did however place a backup alarm to set at 7:00 and this is when I woke up this morning. I began to pray on the floor of my room. I felt awkward for some reason. It felt hard. But I did it. And I was surprised at how quickly the time passed. And it got easier of course as i seeked out his presence and just really focused on praying for others. I honestly desire to be a caring person, to care about anothers struggles and what they are going through but I must admit it is not in my natural character - thus its work. I prayed for everyone of my suitemates in detail. I do care about them, And im trying the hardest to be a light to them, and it has surprised me lately about how comfortable I've been with their lifestyle. But its time to standout. They know I'm christian but i need to shine brighter. I dont want to condemn them, but I need them to know that I do not in fact approve of the way they live. The drinking, the boys that stay in their rooms, their beds. I don't mean to put them on blast because... I love them I do. And I care about their salvation. Anyway I took my prayer outside of my room and began to pray at the other 5 closed doors of the suites. I placed my hands and layed my head on each door and prayed for each girl and very quietly began to cry and pray. At one time Christina woke up and saw me on the way to the bathrom and asked if I was okay. Haha, I regret that due to my sleep I only had an hour and a half.

Afterwards I returned to my room and began to read. Only to be disturbed by the coming of class and the need to get ready. I honestly feel bad for not waking up on time. But be sure, I will do this again on Monday morning waking up earlier. It was very intimite and I desire more than anything just to be closer to Him... however thoughts cloud my mind and say hes not there, and its a constant struggle fighting the devil who puts those things in my mind. But it makes me wonder why I've never done this before. How can we be so busy with lives that arn't even ours? How can we do ANYTHING but praise him because of what hes done?

Thank you God for the most wonderful of friends. I would never have imagined that I could have people to rely on spiritually, and provide biblical advice when I needed it. I mean that might seem crazy to you for others who have grown up in church, don't get me wrong I've been in church all my life - but I was not always connected. When I would go through difficult times, I remember my mom telling me to surround myself with christian friends. I passed it on as worthless advice - after all, we know whats right for ourselves right? I think that is what growing up is all about. Realizing that your parents were right after all. Everything they told me, and I attempted to rebel against, were words of wisdom through experience.

Anyway, it is important to surround yourself with friends that know the true healing power of God and recognize his glory. That way when you slip, they can help you get up. Sometimes, even the faith of those around you can lift you up. I was in my Inter Varsity Bible Study group the other day, and we do this method called the inductive method. Rather than a preaching, we take a piece of paper with a passage on it from the bible and a pen and see what we can get out of it, followed by a small group discussion, a large group discussion, and then three songs of worship. Last week's passage was Luke 5:17-26 NIV, the story of how Jesus healed the paralytic that was lowered through the roof by his friends. Well actually, the passage does not specify whether these men were friends of the paralytic or just men that were sent to him, but still, it says "They went up on the roof and lowered him on his mat through the tiles into the middle of the crowd, right in front of Jesus. When Jesus saw their faith, he said "Friend, your sins are forgiven." Well who was "their"? The men that carried in the paralytic! My friend Janice pointed this out, how maybe there will be times in your life in which others will need to bring you to Jesus, and their faith will cause an encounter with God. I pray that I gain more of these friends like I have recently. But more than that I pray that I can be like this to others. I want to be a support and help others in their walk with God!

But what I've noticed recently is how alone I feel here at school. I found myself wishing I were at NC's prayers that I hear about, or at the Faith Lounge on Wednesdays. I had to be reminded that being alone isn't necessarily a bad thing. In fact, I can feel myself and this tug in my heart to seek God here in private. Alone. Its definitely something that I have needed to learn. And sitting here reading the word, listening to music, and most of all praying has not only taught me more about myself - but more about him. What he's like and what He wants. Drawing conclusions and relating the word to everyday life and how we should live. Its not so much that im lonely... just alone. Its kind of nice. There is a stillness in which I rely on God rather than others. Of course, I can't wait to get back. But I am learning and growing here. I feel like its a journey, a rite of passage one might say. And I know there is a reason I got accepted into this school and this major when perhaps... my grades weren't spectacular or quite up to par. Can't wait to see whats in store...

God knows how annoying my bike lock is. It's one of those wire ones with an attached combination that I have to figure out when I lock AND unlock my bike, it's a hassle - especially when I'm in a hurry.

So anyway, I have my "Dimensions of Culture: Diversity" class at 9 a.m. and I naturally set my phone alarm at 7 to allow me to get ready, only I guess I turned it off! My suitemate Jewell walks into my room (because she's in my class) and yells "Oh my goodness Janessa its 8:40 and your still asleep!" Great. So I run out of my room to the bathroom, only to run right back because I forgot to pray to start out my day. I made it quick and then hastily began to get ready.

I threw on a plain shirt, a skirt, and my gray converse, and put on some makeup to make me look somewhat presentable and put my hair into a ponytail-which I NEVER do! I obviously didn't look to great. I raced outside of my suite, down the stairs, across the hall, up the stairs, and onto my bike just to realize when I got outside that it was raining! Raining in southern California? Just my luck. I continued on, riding towards the general area where my class was just to realize that I didn't remember where my class was! Once I accepted that I couldn't figure it out by myself I finally asked for directions. That's when my bike fell over.

And that's when I realized that this morning would really anger a lot of people. It seriously had the potential to ruin my day. But as I stood there soaking wet in all my desperation I could just feel God's love pouring down and I found myself laughing because this joy He's given me can't be taken away but a couple of frustrating events. After all He's done for me in my life, I couldn't let this small trouble affect my whole day, or even my mood for a minute! My mom has this saying that gets super cliché and old when she says it but I feel it would work here, "You have two choices in life, to be positive or negative". Truth is, this problem wouldn't really matter in 5 minutes so why make it matter by worrying about it?

After my epiphany I rode to class, I went to lock my bike, and realized that the combination was already set into position- a confirmation that God was with me the whole time. It was by far one of my best Monday Morning experiences!

First post here. Some of you know that I already have a blog, but id like to keep that more private- hopefully its private- haha. So if you want to stay updated on my journey through college and the everyday happenings in my life, feel free to read, and to comment! i like those... haha. I'll try my best not to bore you. But hopefully we can both use this to get something out of it to better our lives, or else we're just wasting our time here to be honest. But since its late i'll be blogging later!
Love you all, god bless!